i've been torturing myself

i've been looking at some of the flats that i've lived in before in london... rented of course and shared but man... when you look back at some of them I can't imagine how lucky I was to have that experience. It would take a lifetime of insane work to even remotely be able to afford any of them anymore! Best get checking my lotto numbers...

or alternately best set the bar a wee bit lower and give myself a bit of a break.

moving to a quaint little pueblo somehwere has never seemed so appealing... an no, brampton is not considered a pueblo... nice try kj.

un pequeñito por favor

si la persona de Apaseo El Grande quien esta leyendo mi blog al mínimo 5 veces al dia puede contactarme? Estoy segura que conoces algo de Alfredo o eres el... por favor. déjame un comentario con tus datos y podemos hablar??? Se puede ayudar el futuro de una niña inocente que merece seguridad en su pequeña vida.

Gracias.

you know you're in Canada when...

• you turn on the hot tap in a public toilet and hot water actually comes out
• 'small' in most shops is too big...
• you find yourself saying... "my god this simply does not exist in Spain"
• You find yourself saying 100 times a day 'man it's damn cold'
• 21h seems like a reasonable time to go to bed
• 5 am seems like a resonable hour to get up
• They give you food you don't finish when dining out. to 'take home'

that pretty much sums up my reality.

don't get me wrong. the family portion of this stopover is lovely. The rest of it will take some adjusting to.

But explain to me one thing? why is spotify not available here? Is this some cruel torture?

Paging Alfredo "Fredy" Durante

Anyone who reads my blog who knows Alfredo "Fredy" Durante Tejero please have him contact me regarding his whereabouts so I can serve him papers regarding custody of our child.

It's got to be official so here it is on the www.

Life's fun yea?

Well we've just got to roll with it. Get it sorted and move on.

thank you... now back to regular blogging.

it should be...

getting better... things should be starting to feel more positive and move forward and all that. But it's not. My life remains fragmented and my heart feels like it's going to give up.

Day one of holiday

I'm feeling guilty as that's what I do best really... but Sienna started her new school today and I've got one whole week to myself to try and rest and recover from this seemingly never ending ordeal. I think it's been so long in coming that I almost don't even know what to do with myself. You just run on empty for such a long time you forget how to re-fuel. The plan is for now, gym, painting, sleeping and as few life admin things as possible.

I've just finished doing some research through some stock photo sites for inspiration. I found the image i used as a base for the Chiara painting way back when... neat to see the original image and then the end result next to one and other...

I'm mostly...

loving the fact that in Canadialandia I can wear a size 6! Hilarious. I don't quite believe it but we'll roll with it. KJ insighted a great deal of expenditure yesterday which of course today has brought a bit of buyer's remorse but considering that everything was 40% off it could have been a lot worse!

Thanksgiving supper yesterday was a success and Lilli surprisingly didn't have to be quarantined. The girls played together and I think had the best time out of everyone. The exhaustion at the end of the day was apparent for all. Most comically the girls where outside trying out their new hockey sticks. Sienna has a lot of catching up to do in order to become a bit more 'canadian'. I think they look more like they are sweeping rather than playing hockey!



However she wasn't tired enough to sleep in this morning and by half past 7 in the morning she was outside playing with her new sand box that her cousing mark bought for her. She has been spoiled rotten since we arrived. I'm not quite sure she'll ever agree to leave here!



I on the other hand am missing Barcelona dearly. But i know this is the only option for us right now so I need to just focus on getting back on track and moving away from all the harm and negativity that certain parties cast on us. Sometimes time just doesn't tick fast enough and when your heart is somewhere but your body is elsewhere you quickly feel quite disassembled. I'm furiously dreaming about the positive and amazing energies I've been blessed with lately. Dreams dreams and more dreams. They help bridge the gaps. But the butterflies are still there in my tummy. I hope they stay a good long while.

Jet lag

means half six in the morning wake ups... but i'm planning to try and keep hold of the early starts and get my work day done by early afternoon when I start back up working in about a week's time.

I took Sienna and Lilli for a very chilly walk last evening. We didn't make it too too far but Sienna trooped through the leaves and was quite entertained. Lilli is filled with terror and I don't see her adjusting too too well to the climate here. Wait till she sees snow!

We're celebrating a delayed thanks giving here today as last weekend my grandfather was in the hospital and we where still in Spain. I think I"ll have to sedate the poor dog as having 16 people in the house will cause her to have a nervous breakdown... don't worry I won't actually do that to her i'm not that evil! My grandfather has requested poutine and so i am happy to oblige. It's nice that we're here to spend some time with him as he's been increasingly ill and thus we're starting to worry that these may be his last days with us. Which is fair as he's 92 but we're not quite ready to see him off yet! Instead we'll enjoy all the time we have with him.

Luca's fiesta major seemed to be a great success last night. We were so sad to not be there but the text i received at half nine Spanish time this morning confirms that it went on until the wee hours of the next day! Sounds quite righteous.

Joey and Pierre are getting married today in a small civil ceremony in Scotland. It was planned this way so both their parents could be there to witness. But I'm sad they didn't do the Tuscan adventure that they had once talked about. Maybe we can do a celebration there this summer for them!?!?! Por esto me apunto!

Drink the water...

"Drink the water" he tells me... it's not about the glass being half full or half empty or in my insistence that the glass is 'teetering dangerously close to the edge of the table and about to fall off'... it's all a matter of perspective and the way you chose to look at things in invariably affects their outcome. So drink it i did and i hope to continue to do so :)

we arrived safely after a long journey. who would have thought that travelling with a small child and a small dog would have not been a nightmare. It's not a new life for me I keep insisting. It's a new chapter as you can never erase the past events you can just keep moving forwards and creating new and better ones. Again... it's all about perspective. See I do listen!

Did I mention I've got 2 weeks off? Yes that is a very very nice thing after all of this. I can't remember that last time that I've felt such need for some time off!

Time is ticking swiftly

And the hours left here in bcn are nearly up. Not knowing a final destination means that my packing and shipping of things has been fragmented. Measuring and costing up the best options of what to send where and when as over-spilled throughout my house.

We popped out a little bit this afternoon so that little miss I want to destroy everything instead of helping could burn off some steam. We met up with Mele and Nico and Nacho and Chiara and Luca at JC's new bar that he's just taken over called Bar Salvador. As they've just recently opened and not many people have figured out it exists on a Sunday now whereas in it's past life it was only open during the week at lunch time... it was empty. It was a perfect substitute living room for Sienna to romp around and play with all of them before we jet off.

Chiara and mele snapped some lovely pics but here is a lovely one of miss sienna and uncle luca.

Too many goodbyes

are always so hard. leaving somewhere you don't want to leave is impossibly difficult but still necessary. I guess I'm firmly locking into the anger phase of this process... I don't have much choice now I've made the decisions I have. I've got to stick with them.

I've had the joy and allegria of some light in my life in the past week. In some ways I'm feeling like a teenager again and really enjoying it. I am so blessed to have so much love around me. I am indeed enjoying it, but that of course makes it even harder to leave... but all new chapters must start somewhere.

Chiarita, Millie, Moi (an update to this pic will follow in January!)

Summer is defiantly on it's way out...

The cool breezes are certainly blowing through, but the sun is still shining which is always good. Some parties have been enjoying the spoils of bribery in that if she goes to sleep without crying she is sometimes rewarded with an ice cream. The other day she requested a blue one. I had to search high and low for one but I found it! And man did she ever enjoy it! It's not for the faint hearted as apparently it comes back out the same colour too.... ewwwwwwwwwwww yea i know i know thanks for sharing...



Leave it to the every law abiding canadian's to get kicked off the beach in barcelona early on a sunday morning... a cuntish german lifeguard turfed us for having a 'dog'. I'm like??? the height of summer there are dogs swimming for goodness sake! But because we're obedient little people we left.. but i snapped some wicked photies while we where there...


Maria and Miss Lilli


Miss Sienna and a pretty butterfly (how i got this shot i'll never quite know)

So after being dejected from the beach we went to a second hand sale that Layla was selling her wares at... I snagged a 100% silk hoss dress for 5 euros! Schweeet... now i just have to decide if i'm going to keep it or ebay it and make some real moolah from it...

Starting over...

well it needs to start somewhere. Although I fear being over exposed writing on my blog, I'll be damned to give it up after nearly 10 years of writing.

Things are winding up for wee me, Lilli Martini and I here in Barcelona. There are many a sad tale to tell about how and why and such but it makes no sense to dwell on past events. We wish certain individuals in our recent past a good riddance and while feeling sad for them have accepted to move on and avoid any further bad things.

The move is a tough one as it's always hard to leave somewhere that you are not ready to leave. But in this situation time is of the essence and the faster we're in a positive, less-stressful environment the better. Doing so however is no small task. I used to be the queen of picking up my life in an instant and flitting on to something different. However in the last 10 years my life has changed quite a lot and it's no longer just me that I have to account for. The winds are blowing in a northerly direction. But nothing is certain yet and with the way things have been going lately the final port may just be somewhere entirely different. We're trying to keep things in stride and keep the options open.

I'm blessed that my mum has been here with us for the past month and she's been a rock for me.

However we're embracing the 'living in the now' mantra and enjoy this sunny merce fesitval weekend. The last bit of Spanish culture before we depart. Wish us luck!

Where am I?

Asked my ever loyal ATG... a bit here there and everywhere. Rough times for me mean a complete stop to writing... I'm praying that I'm about to come out the other side now... but the light at the end of the tunnel could very well be a train... lets wait and see. So in the interim I"ll do my best to muster up some pics from summer fun that has been had so far. So many visitors there has not been a dull moment...

Miss Sienna and Miss Lilli whooped it up today at the fiesta major de Gracia. They entered the pet competition and won! They beat out the competition and came home with fun prizes for Lilli including enough food to keep her fed for about 4 months... she's glaring at me from the other side of the bed as she was none too pleased to have to a) leave the house b) have sienna walk her and c) go up on stage in front a crowd of people. The dog bowl they gave her as a prize as well is a good size for a bed so hey, we're greatful!


The entry (Sienna wasn't even a tiny bit shy) Lilli made sure to look terrified.


Cute puppy that was up for adoption


no, no matter how cute you look up at me with those 'can we have this puppy eyes' the answer is sadly, no.

And the girls step up to claim their 'smallest dog prize'

Kudos to me for managing to do it all in Catalan... I didn't say anything I left that up to Sienna but I had to follow the instructions... nerve wrecking!

Auntie Jo jo was one of many visitors and she spoiled wee sienna rotten...


Dave and Lisa and her beautiful kiddies stopped by too and Sienna had a blast chasing after them trying to keep up!


And then there was the 5 minutes peace and the cost saving girlie congregation on my terrace to do mani pedis with Chiara and Millie


And other than that... well too many things but we're spinning round and round. Lets just hope we stop at the right place!


and watch out to make sure we don't get ourselves into trouble

and give everyone including dada lots of hugs



and of course keep busy... and keep chins up and try my best to start writing again... that may help?

Going Down

For a minute last week I really actually thought I was having a nervous breakdown. Things have been pretty darn stressful here at work and the pressure is quite high. Couple that with trying to have family life that actually includes me participating, makes it stressful without even a hint of exaggeration.

I was zipping to a production meeting after having sat through 2h of back to back client calls. I jumped into the lift with my laptop in arms and punched the 5th floor. I closed my eyes for a second and took a deep breath and repeated to myself the ‘we just make websites’ mantra to try and bring things down a little bit. Just as I did I felt like I drifted off for a minute. During that time I had the distinct feeling that I was going down… since I work below the 5th floor going down was not quite what I was expecting … The other strange thing was that I had actually been in the lift for way longer than needed but the doors had not opened yet. When I looked at the floor I was on on the little lcd panel it said -3 . I burst out laughing as I couldn’t quite believe that I had lost my marbles in the lift at work. There is no -3 in my office so clearly I was losing my mind. How odd I thought to myself. I really never thought that It would come to me having a nervous breakdown in the lift at work. I couldn’t help but feel this as what else could possibly explain this detachment from reality? Just then the doors opened. There is a woman standing there who says to me in rapid fire Spanish. Oh sorry I guess I pressed the button to call the lift just before you entered that’s probably why you ended up down here. I must have looked like I had seen a ghost as she sort of raised an eyebrow to me and was like… are you okay? I just gave her a smile and assured her I was simply not expecting to be heading downwards when I was on the way up. So low and behold out building has underground parking. It’s access via a key that you turn on the panel but not a button thus why I had never seen it before. The lady flitted out on the ground floor and I slowly made my way back up up up till I finally reached the 5th floor. My nervous breakdown was thus gladly just a misunderstanding… or perhaps a good warning to me to slow down as really, do I want to lose my marbles in a lift? Lord knows in what state they would have discovered me. I’m thinking more along the line of me frozen in the lift with a slack jaw with a funny squishy kind of like “I don’t quite get this” look on my face…

Ahh saritah…

On the other hand there is this really brilliant exhibit on in one of my favorite galleries on Montcada. We went to the opening of "Pedro Garcia Villegas’ new show called politically incorrect. I adore his decoupage art it’s truly amazing the portraits he creates using old French magazines. I fell so in love with his work a while back but didn’t know who he was. I saw them setting up the show earlier in the week and popped in and was delighted to meet the man himself. His opening was a huge success and nearly all the pieces were sold just a few hours in! One German doctor bought 6 of them! This lovely Italian lady bought the Frida that I loved. But I did however not leave empty handed. Fredu bought me the printed book of the show so at least I would have a tiny piece of the work and still stay true to our very frugal budget. However at 1700 euros being the top price for some of the pieces it was a really good deal if you’ve got that kind of dosh. If you’re in town check it out you won’t be disappointed.


The beautiful piece that i really liked from Pedro's show

It's all been a bit much

Dany and Andrea eloped to NYC and got married on Brooklyn Bridge. Lukie and Helena's wedding was an absolute delight... Joey's baby bump is glorious and so nearly ready to make her way into this crazy world of ours.

We're flat hunting like mad again but still not much joy on the horizon. The prices also seem to be inching up again thus it's just really a matter of time before it's all crazy crazy prices again.

Work has been very challenging. Staff issues have made this promotion very difficult. I just want to do things well but don't seem to have time for anything as there are so many issues flapping around like a chicken on fire that even working till half two in the morning doesn't seem to help. I can but remind myself as my zen master boss would say... we only make websites, we don't cure cancer.

In the lead up to the big wedding i managed to crank out a painting as a gift for the lovely couple. I wish i had more time for it but it's not bad... not my best work but not bad....



Titled Helena...

Is it actually summer? with all the rain I thought i was confused? More sleep may help!

The other night

I was having supper with the lovely Vero after my haircut with her at Le Petit Salon. While we were waiting for our meals to arrive we saw out the window of the restaurant a father arriving home (late as it was at least half 10 by then) the child was about the same age as Sienna and was crying most likely because it should have been in bed hours earlier. As the father struggled to open the entrance door to the flat and struggled with the pram to get it through vero and I looked at each other with a knowing nod as in.. yep I've been there... two seconds later a small barking dog bounded up and joined the father and child. At that instance we broke out laughing in the spirit of 'oh my god you've made some similar choices to me buddy' Small dog... 2 year old. It was bitter sweet but nice in knowing that we are in no way an island and that a lot of other people have made similar choices and share similar difficulties :)

The hair cut will take a while for me to become accustomed to... but such is the case whenever you change anything. Should be quite good for the "summer just back from the beach look".

Chillaxing at the Beach

After a rainy and somewhat tumultuous week at our flat in bcn with mum, sister and her two wee ones we´ve arrived at a place we rented 2h south of Barcelona. It´s early yet for full on beach action but the sun is hot and we´re working on our tans. Mum surely did chose a great place this year. Too bad the lady has it booked out for the rest of the summer as I would love to come back here for a week when it´s hotter. It´s so nice to be reminded that life exists outside of work and although I have awoken a few times in the middle of the night with a fright that I´d forgotten to mention something in my handover to my colleague... I quickly remember that it´s all good and that I´m on holidays...

so many pictures to sort through... we´ll get there!

I can believe it...

But the ash cloud has decided to interfere with mu mum and sister's fights to Spain... We were so anxiously awaiting their arrival tomorrow morning. Air space is closed and it's not looking likely. It's quite the pain as they're flying a charter so it could mean days off their holiday. I'm half contemplating going back to work next week and just waiting until they do arrive to take my holidays....

We had a lovely visit with miss Siobhan last week. Although it rained incessantly while she was here we still made the most of it. Her dad and step mum were here visiting as they were ending a transatlantic cruise here.

Fredu and Sio had a ball taking tons of pics. there are som really lovely ones here... enjoy!

Auntie Sio and Sienna on her scooter!


my lovely neighbor zeus


Baby body count... they're sleeping.


Olive?


Look it's not raining for like 5 seconds... quick get mama's shades on!


aww dada and lilli

The cat came back...

Well in this case it was the carrito... or in english the pram. I dont know how or why or even how to begin to write about it. But after a 2 week hiatus the pram has returned. Well it wasnt quite returned moreso it was abandoned outside a shop down the street and around the corner. The lovely ladies who work there saw it there abandoned and pulled it inside and kept in in their storage area until last week when Alfredo came in they asked him if he had lost his pram... he assumed that they had heard about it as this neighbourhood is fairly small and everyone knows when something happens... but it wasn´t that... it was that they had it! Its in perfect contidion, with siennas school batita and all the toys and rain cover that were in the storage area beneath the seat. Its so strange and so unexplicable it´s left us feeling a bit out of sorts. We are of course greatful but can´t for the life of us figure out what type of person would do that... and if they stole it then felt remorse why wouldn´t they just bring it back to where they got it from in the first place? These questions of course will never be answered... but for now we've put a lock back on it and will soon just bring the thing upstairs... too much stress... but quite difficult when you´ve got to get it up 120 steps to our house...

A monster cold has taken over and forced my working like mad crazyness to a halt this weekend. I did muster up as much effort as possible to go to my first football match ever this weekend. Wow what an experience. Great seats indeed. Thank you grand fromage from work for bestowing them to me. I´m not great in crowds and never quite understood the massive swell of football fans who attended matches... now I do. I can but say that the only way I can describe it is like being at the worlds busiest airport with a heaving crowd of people with absolutely no manners. We had VIP tickets which made it pleasant before the match and at half time but the walk from the area to the seats we were pushed and jostled... it was a bit much for me. Well the one thing that can be said is that although I was indeed thankful for having the experience, I don´t think I´ll be returning again in hurry. Watching a match or two during the world cup once every 4 year on tele is much much more enjoyable.